


Reminiscence

by ReeLeeV



Category: Monsta X (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Domestic, Amnesia, Angst with a Happy Ending, Coma, Heavy Angst, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Married Couple, Memory Loss, Temporary Amnesia, doctor!shownu, kiho monthly, model!hyungwon, producer!wonho
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-04-23
Updated: 2019-04-13
Packaged: 2019-04-27 01:13:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 7,947
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14414445
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ReeLeeV/pseuds/ReeLeeV
Summary: When Kihyun and Hoseok are on their way to visit Hoseok’s mom, they suffer a collision the likes of which they’ve never thought they’d even come close to experiencing. After a month of recovery, Kihyun is finally back on his feet, but Hoseok is still in a coma… until that one day when Hoseok finally opens his eyes, just to not have a shred of recollection in them for the man he once loved.





	1. Prelude: Six Months Ago

**Author's Note:**

> This is my submission for kiho monthly~! The prompt was hurt/comfort ^^

“What do you mean, you don’t know?” Kihyun questions, a teasing smile playing across his lips. Hoseok blubbers in the passenger seat, pouting a bit.

“I mean what I said!” he fires back. He clearly hasn’t caught onto the fact that his husband is, in fact, joking. But, Kihyun won’t illuminate him… just yet. Even after all these years of having known each other, it’s still so much fun to tease the older into a state of blubbering defiance.

“Honestly, hyung,” Kihyun feigns a sigh. “We’re _this_ close to figuring out where we want to adopt from, and you don’t even have any names picked out or anything.”

“I’m th-thorry, Kihyunnie,” Hoseok stutters out, turning to face his husband fully. “I swear, I’ll be better once we have him, I…” he pauses, recognizing Kihyun’s teasing smirk. He purses his own lips, glancing back out window with a huff. Kihyun chuckles breathily, turning to comfort his husband.

 

If it were a second later, he’d have seen the truck veering into their lane. Maybe then he’d have been able to avoid it somehow. Maybe he’d have been able to honk his horn, and then maybe that would’ve notified the driver and stopped it all from happening. Maybe he’d even be able to slam on the breaks hard enough to avoid the collision altogether.

It’s that hypothetical that’ll haunt Kihyun for the rest of his life.


	2. Chapter One

“I’m sorry, Mr. Yoo,” the nurse says, sounding entirely too sympathetic for Kihyun’s taste. “We’re doing all we can, but there’ve been no changes.”

Kihyun doesn’t life his eyes from the motionless man on the bed. He’s always had a beautifully milky complexion, but now, after so many months beneath these harsh fluorescent lights, he appears sickly and frail. An IV is stuck into his arm, giving him whatever nutrients he needs that he otherwise couldn’t get.

“Thank you,” Kihyun says, more out of instinct than anything. The nurse bows her head a bit before turning to leave the room. Kihyun’s eyes drift slowly to the face of his husband, his love, his soulmate, his everything.

 

Six months. Hoseok has been in a coma for six months. At first, the doctors had been extremely hopeful about his recovery. They’d helped keep Kihyun’s hopes up at first, assuring him that there were no reasons for Hoseok to remain unconscious for any legitimate amount of time.

However, as the days turned into weeks and the weeks turned into months, their reassurances have dwindled to nonexistence. Not even their friends, who at first were even louder cheerleaders than the small army of medical professionals assigned to their case, have grown silent.

 

Kihyun can’t blame them. He knows the likelihood of Hoseok awakening now are slim… if existent at all.

Tears prick at the corners of his eyes suddenly, and he finds himself reaching out to grip Hoseok’s pale hand. He hardens his gaze on the older’s face, as if that’ll somehow get those beautiful eyes of his to finally open.

What he wouldn’t give to see those deep, incredibly expressive brown eyes of his love again. There’s not a thing under the sun he wouldn’t give to whoever asked if he could just see that loving gaze again, if only just for one last time to apologize for putting Hoseok into such a situation.

Regret, guilt, and heartbreak fill him.

He has no idea how he’s sitting here, perfectly fine, and Hoseok is lying there. _He’d_ been in the driver’s seat, _he’d_ been the one not paying attention… He should be there now. At least then Hoseok would be able to keep continuing the life he deserves, the life he’s worked so hard for.

All those years of working at becoming a noteworthy song producer are possibly wasted now. Kihyun can’t even begin to count all the sleepless nights Hoseok has had since high school, sitting and staring at his computer screen while mixing tunes and guide tracks. All those times Kihyun had been awoken in the middle of the night and dragged to that damn computer only to sleepily sing out a few notes before being allowed to go back to bed.

Wasted hours now, Kihyun supposes. All those hours apart from his love he could’ve spent helping Hoseok achieve his dream. All those nights of sleep he could’ve spent holding the older, caring for him. All the damn fights they’d had throughout their relationship he’d thought had just made them stronger. If he could take them all back now, somehow regain all that time they’d lost when they weren’t talking to each other for this or that, he would.

“Kihyunnie?”

Kihyun glances up, his neck aching, and only blinks as Minhyuk returns to the room. The blonde hesitantly offers a reassuring smile as he moves to retake his seat on the other side of Hoseok’s bed.

“What’d the nurse say?” he asks, his voice soft. Kihyun gulps thickly, his throat feeling rough as sandpaper.

“The same,” he managers to say. His own words sound distant, as if he’s hearing from the opposite end of a tunnel miles and miles long. He almost hears Minhyuk’s small sigh as the slightly-older relaxes in his chair.

“Well, it’ll change one day,” Minhyuk tells him, ever the ray of bleak positivity. Kihyun knows Minhyuk’s all but given up hope, but that his same-age friend doesn’t have the heart to tell him. They’ve all been coddling him since the accident. It doesn’t do much more than make him feel all the guiltier about it all.

“You can go home, if you want,” Kihyun finds himself saying. “I’m gonna stay here tonight, so I won’t need a ride back.” He’s been letting the others drive him ever since the accident. He just doesn’t feel comfortable behind the wheel anymore.

Minhyuk pouts at him, and straightens as if he’s about to argue with the shorter… But, then he heaves a long breath, as if he’s thought better of it, and gives a curt nod instead.

“I’ll wait ‘till visiting hours are over, though,” the skinny man says. “You know, in case you need anything. I’ll also bring you a fresh change of clothes in the morning, as soon as hours start up again. That okay?”

Kihyun nods silently, not really feeling that much up for speaking. That’s normal, though. He hasn’t felt the need to talk at all since that night.

 

Minhyuk remains as long as he’d said he would, making him get home later than usual. He’d had the foresight to text Changkyun before going back into the room. He’d told his boyfriend to not wait up for him, but, of course, the younger hadn’t listened.

He’s curled up on the sofa under the blanket, watching television, when Minhyuk gets home.

 

The older smiles affectionately at seeing Changkyun still awake. Changkyun bolts upright as soon as he hears the door open, the fluffy blue throw blanket falling off his shoulders. Minhyuk’s eyes shine with emotion as he moves close, sitting beside him to press a kiss to his temple.

Ever since the accident, he’s been clingier with Changkyun, giving him more small, random kisses, hugging him closer at night, and texting him more often. Changkyun doesn’t mind. In fact, he revels in such attention. Or, at least, he would if he didn’t know what had caused it.

“How are they?” Changkyun asks softly, tilting his head to stare at Minhyuk’s eyes. The living room is dark save for the light of the television, and it casts a blue haze over their shadowy faces. Still, Minhyuk’s eyes glitter like starlight as he smiles at the man.

“Hyung hasn’t had any changes,” Minhyuk reports, his right hand caressing Changkyun’s cheek before dropping to grip his knee a bit too tightly as his eyes take on a darker light. “I didn’t tell Kihyunnie this, but I heard the nurses talking in the hall while I was on a food run. They were… They started talking about what it’d be like if hyung ever does wake up. They said it was too long now, that he’s been gone for too long. The possibility of him being anything more than a vegetable if he ever _does_ wake up—”

“ _When_ he wakes up, hyung,” Changkyun interrupts, his lips pulling in a pout. “He _is_ going to wake up, and he’s going to be just fine when he does. He and Kihyunnie-hyung will be just fine.” Minhyuk’s shoulders visibly drop, and his gaze falls to the floor.

“… I’m not sure anymore, Kkungie,” the older admits faintly. “I don’t want to give up on him, but, logically, I just don’t know if Hoseok will ever be with us again.” Changkyun reaches over and pulls Minhyuk into a tight embrace, squeezing the breath right out his lungs.

“Good thing I’ve got enough faith for the both of us, then,” is all he says, his voice almost childishly stubborn. Minhyuk chuckles for the first time that day, his tone warm. He wraps his arms around Changkyun, hugging him as hard as he can.

He breathes in deeply the smell of the younger’s shampoo, his cologne, memorizes how soft his hair is as he pets it and realizes he’s wearing a shirt Minhyuk himself had gotten him as an anniversary gift. He holds even tighter onto the younger at noticing this, burying his face in Changkyun’s neck as he thinks of how grateful he is to have Changkyun with him, in his life.

He wouldn’t trade places with Kihyun for anything.

 

“Hyuuuuung, I come bearing clothes~” Changkyun singsongs as he enters the hospital room. Kihyun glances up at him from his chair beside Hoseok’s bed, the bags under his eyes seeming to have grown. The older blinks repeatedly as Changkyun holds out a bag for him, as if confused.

“Oh. Thank you, Kyunnie,” he finally says, standing stiffly from the chair. He pushes his glasses up with the back of his hand to rub at his eyes, stumbling a little as he walks. Changkyun purses his lips at this, his brow furrowing in concern.

“Did you sleep at all last night?” he asks softly, his tone much more somber than a moment again. Kihyun smiles at him, though it’s devoid of all humor or joy. He shakes his head once as he takes the bag. He drifts back to Hoseok’s side, plopping down into his chair as he looks at the clothes Changkyun has brought him.

“Minhyuk-hyung had to get into work early,” Changkyun tells him as he goes to sit in the other chair, “so I volunteered to take the morning shift. You should go change, maybe wash up a bit. I figured I could get Jooheonney-hyung to come by with some of those breakfast platters from his job a little later, if you wanted?”

“I’m not really hungry,” Kihyun tells him, his voice a mere murmur.

“I don’t care if you feel hungry or not,” Changkyun tells him bluntly. “You need to eat. Don’t make me guilt you into taking care of yourself, hyung, because you know I’m not above doing that.” A genuine smirk pulls at Kihyun’s lips, the first real expression that’s reached his face for a month, and Changkyun can’t help but feel proud. Kihyun glances at Hoseok, a teasing light to his eyes.

“Can you believe this kid?” he says to the unconscious man. “He talks as if he’s the hyung or something.” Changkyun chuckles airily, ignoring Minhyuk’s words from the previous night that echo in his mind. If it’s true, then talking to Hoseok doesn’t mean anything now. But, of course, he won’t say anything to Kihyun about it. No, he won’t be responsible for breaking the older’s heart like that. Talking to Hoseok seems to be the only thing Kihyun does willingly anymore, aside from keeping the coma patient clean and tidy.

“I’m just saying,” Changkyun finally says, shrugging. Kihyun pushes out a sigh, reaches out and squeezes Hoseok’s hand, and then stands from his chair once more. He disappears into the bathroom to do as his dongsaeng has asked, more for the younger than himself.

Changkyun glances to Hoseok after Kihyun closes the door, his eyes growing sad.

“Please, hyung,” he whispers, begging as if that’ll somehow change things. “Please, _please_ wake up… We need you here. _Kihyun_ needs you here.”

He drops his head into his hands after staring at Hoseok’s motionless face a moment longer, wiping at his face in exhaustion… completely missing the slightest twitch of Hoseok’s right pinky finger.


	3. Chapter Two

“So… what they said is true?” Minhyuk asks, desperation making his raspy voice sound whinier than usual. Hyunwoo nods once, regret shining in his eyes as he avoids the younger’s gaze. He takes a sip of his coffee, his plump lips sucking at the straw until the bitter liquid floods into his mouth. It’s taken him a few months, but now he doesn’t even wince at black coffee anymore.

Working late nights in the emergency room tend to have that effect on you.

“The chances of Hoseok making a full recovery after all this are… very slim,” Hyunwoo finally says. “He could still possibly wake up with full memory and mental capacity, but—”

“But it’s more likely he won’t wake up at all,” Minhyuk interrupts, resting his forehead in his hand tiredly, “and if he _does_ he won’t be him.” Hyunwoo doesn’t bother confirming this, already feeling like utter shit for having said as much as he has. But, he won’t lie to Minhyuk about this. Kihyun, maybe, but not Minhyuk.

Minhyuk could handle it.

“So… how long do we wait?” the younger says, his eyes shut. Hyunwoo lifts a single shoulder, his own gaze falling to the table.

“It really just depends,” is all he can say. “Kihyun has to make the final call, so, no matter what we say or believe, we wait for as long as he says to.” He takes another sip of his coffee, shooting a glance out the window of the café. He looks up to the sky, Hoseok’s words from seemingly forever ago echoing in his mind.

The sentimental man had always complained that no one looked up at the sky enough. So, for him, Hyunwoo’s been making a conscious effort to look up more every once in a while.

 

Hyungwon will say one thing about all this: When Hoseok wakes up, he’s going to kill him.

After all this stress Hoseok has put them all through, Kihyun most of all, Hyungwon is gonna rip the older a new one.

He’ll _also_ hold all this help he’s giving to the couple over Hoseok’s head for the rest of the older’s life, but that’s for later. After all, he’s the reason why they haven’t lost their house yet… not that Kihyun knows that. Hyungwon’s sure the last thing on the man’s mind is financial stability, but it had been the first thing on the model’s when Kihyun began missing work to remain by Hoseok’s side.

Not that he blames Kihyun at all, nor that he really minds using his clout when he can. In fact, it’s kind of fun. Watching Kihyun’s boss melt into a puddle of nervous chuckles with sweat pouring off his fatty brow when Hyungwon threatened to throw the entire company into a downwards spiral with the gossip he has on the CEO was pretty priceless.

He’d managed to snag Kihyun a stay-at-home assignment for a while. But, of course, as afore mentioned, financial stability is the last thing on Kihyun’s mind. So, in his free time, Hyungwon performs all of Kihyun’s tasks under the guise of the older, dealing with reports and sending out memos and handling schedules and appointments.

It’s all been kind of fun so far. He’s never had to have an actual job before, as he’d been scouted when he was only in middle school, but it’s been… refreshing. Nice, even.

Of course, this is probably the only silver lining in this entirely shitty situation, but Hyungwon will take what he can get.

 

So, here he sits, typing away furiously on his laptop as he performs all of Kihyun’s professional duties as Kihyun carefully bathes Hoseok’s limp body. Hyungwon keeps his eyes glued to the screen, having seen Hoseok’s naked form one too many times for his liking.

The nurses had kept up with bathing Hoseok at first, but, of course, it hadn’t been up to Kihyun’s anal standards. So, he’d willingly taken over the duty of keeping the comatose patient clean throughout the duration of his stay.

“Wonnie,” Kihyun says suddenly, pulling Hyungwon’s focus off the email he’s been working on for a moment, “could you get the other cloth from the sink? I forgot it in the bathroom.” Hyungwon nods, avoiding Hoseok’s motionless body as Kihyun somewhat-caresses his skin with the damp cloth. He retrieves the item in question, handing it over to his short hyung with his eyes stuck on a spot on the wall behind Kihyun.

The older takes it with a word of gratitude, and Hyungwon relievedly takes a seat.

“What’re you typing so much for?” Kihyun asks, his gaze still on Hoseok as he speaks. Hyungwon shifts in his seat, his fingers hovering over the keys as he thinks of an answer in a split second.

“I’m writing a book,” Hyungwon replies, inwardly wincing at the answer. Great. Now he’s going to have to pay someone to ghost-write a book for him so Kihyun will believe him.

Kihyun’s gaze breaks from Hoseok’s body for a moment, and he looks over to Hyungwon in obvious surprise. The younger puffs out his cheeks as he meets the older’s gaze, pouting defensively.

“I can write a book if I want,” he tells the older. “Don’t look so surprised… I’m a man of many talents and abilities.” Kihyun hums, returning his attention to Hoseok. Hyungwon goes back to work, thinking the older will mercifully drop it.

“I’m sure Hoseok would love to hear it sometime,” Kihyun finally says, and Hyungwon swallows thickly.

“S-Sure, hyung,” Hyungwon tells him, not having the heart to tell him no. He goes to open a new tab on his web browser, googling affordable ghost writers as he tries to think of a concept for him or her to write for him…

This couple is so much trouble than they’re worth, but God knows Hyungwon will never tell anyone all the trouble he goes through for them.

 

“I bet hyung will love this new flavor of ice cream I found,” Jooheon says as he stuffs a spoonful into his mouth. He winces at the harsh, cold feeling, ignoring the threat of a brain freeze as the sweet cream melts on his tongue. “We need to be sure to get him some once he wakes up,” he says around the ball of frozen goodness in his mouth. Kihyun nods slowly, glancing at his dongsaeng with a smirk.

“That’s a good idea, Heonney,” he tells the younger. “We’ll all go. We can get some and take it on a picnic… Wonnie could even read us some of that book he’s working on.”

“Hyungwon’s working on a book?” Jooheon asks confusedly, his brows pinching together. Kihyun nods, rubbing Hoseok’s knuckles with his thumb absentmindedly as he takes in Jooheon’s reaction. Jooheon hums, pouting at having not been told this. He looks over to Hoseok, a more somber light overtaking his gaze as he takes in his utter stillness.

“Hyung’s gonna be pretty busy when he wakes up,” the younger says jokingly, looking back at Kihyun suddenly. “We all keep making plans for him… He won’t be able to get a night’s rest for weeks. I hope he enjoys this downtime while he can.”

Kihyun lets a single chuckle slip passed his lips as he looks back to his husband.

Jooheon allows a silence overtake the room, sitting back in his chair as he continues eating his ice cream. Kihyun drifts into a light nap a few minutes later, practically passing out as he holds onto Hoseok’s hand. Jooheon doesn’t dare make a noise, as it could awaken Kihyun and interrupt the sleep he so desperately needs.

He doesn’t even dare move his head, only scooting down in his chair to nap, as well.

 

Kihyun awakens later that night, quite surprised with himself for having slept so long. It’d been early afternoon when he’d drifted off, after all, and he hasn’t managed to sleep this long since the accident. Jooheon snores away in his own chair, his mouth hanging open and his head tipped back against the back of the cracked vinyl.

The man blinks distractedly, pulling Hoseok’s hand up to his lips to plant a kiss atop each of his fingers.

“Sorry to sleep so long, yaja,” he whispers, careful to not disturb Jooheon. “I’m surprised I managed it, what with Heonney snoring like that…” He manages a soft smirk, though it’s halfhearted. He holds Hoseok’s cold hand up to his cheek, pressing it against his skin as he closes his eyes. He can almost trick himself into thinking Hoseok’s actually touching him, but it doesn’t quite work.

“We all miss you, hyung,” Kihyun mutters. He can barely hear himself over Jooheon’s thunderous snores as he opens his eyes to carefully watch Hoseok’s face. “So much is changing while you’re here… We need you to wake up, so we can take you out to do all these things we’ve planned.” A ball of grief begins clawing its way up his throat as he continues.

“I need you to wake up, Hoseok. I… I don’t know what I’d do without you. We’ve got so many plans of our own, remember? We were going to adopt that little girl… Of course, we can’t adopt _her_ anymore, but there’s always kids out there needing a home. We were going to get a dog, too. Or a cat. Honestly, I’d be okay with a cat now, if it meant you’d wake up right now.”

Hot, fat tears suddenly begin falling from Kihyun’s eyes, and he gasps out a small breath as that damn ball in his throat just grows and makes it hard to think, much less breathe. His grip on the older’s hand tightens as snot drips from his nose.

“I’ll let you get a cat if you just wake up, aga. You can eat all the ramyeon you want, I’ll start going to the gym with you… We can move into that apartment you were bugging me about, so we can be closer to your mom. I know how important that is to you. Jutht… _pleathe_ don’t leave me.”

His voice breaks on the last word, the tears coming stronger than before. He squeezes his eyes shut, dropping his head against the sheet as he tries to stifle his own cries as his heart shatters within him.


	4. Chapter Three

It came in waves.

First, he could only hear the smallest of murmurings, the softest of sensations against his skin. They pulled at his floating consciousness, acting as a sort of tether. Everything was dark. He knew he should open his eyes, but he just… couldn’t. He wasn’t sure if it was because it was too hard for him to, or if he just didn’t want to.

He wasn’t sure what was waiting for him when he opened his eyes, why they were even closed in the first place. But, as the tethers became stronger, tugged at more and more until he felt his soul become grounded in his body once more, he knew he needed to.

_Don’t leave me. I love you, aga. I don’t know what I’m supposed to do without you._

This voice, in particular, always managed to strengthen the ties to this place. He isn’t sure why, who it belongs to, but he feels he should blame it somehow. After all, the more present he becomes, the more aware, the more pain he’s in.

He has no idea where he’s been all this time, or even how long he’s been like this, but he knows that it had been so much easier, so much more peaceful.

He feels like he should blame this voice, somehow, for forcing him back here, but he doesn’t feel the slightest bit angry. Instead, he understands, and is willing to do anything for this mysterious voice that reaches to him through the never-ending dark.

 

Two weeks. It’s been two weeks since Kihyun’s breakdown, and he just doesn’t know how much longer he can do this. The others come by on their usual rounds, checking up on him and forcing him to eat or change clothes or even to take a sleeping pill. Hyunwoo keeps him updated on what the doctors are saying but don’t have the heart to tell him, but Kihyun can tell the older is still holding out on him.

It seems Minhyuk knows something, too, judging by how he avoids Kihyun’s gaze. Usually, the slightly-older has some trite gossip he’d picked up when passing by the nurse’s breakroom, but he hasn’t had anything for a while.

Kihyun guesses he’s heard something about Hoseok’s condition that he won’t be able to keep to himself if directly asked, but he isn’t willing to take the chance to find out.

The passed couple nights, Kihyun’s awoken at some ungodly hour, thinking he’s heard something, felt something. What, he doesn’t know. He always watches Hoseok with a hawk-like gaze after waking up, thinking that it’s somehow the older talking to him, reaching out to him. But, of course, there’s no sins of such a thing when Kihyun looks.

 

“—okay, Kihyunnie?”

Kihyun breaks his scrutinous gaze on his husband at hearing Hyunwoo’s voice directed at him. His eyes flick to the doctor, and he can’t help but grip Hoseok’s hand almost protectively. He meets Hyunwoo’s gaze, a conflicted light to his eyes.

“Sorry, hyung,” Kihyun says, his tone strained, “what was that?” Hyunwoo shifts on his feet at this, his own eyes falling to the floor.

“I said,” he begins, “that we think you should get out. You haven’t left this hospital room for more than a couple hours ever since the accident. Maybe try going to see your parents? You haven't seen them since you got out of the ICU." Kihyun immediately begins shaking his head, looking back to Hoseok's tranquil expression.

"I couldn't do that," he argues, confused as to why Hyunwoo would suggest such a thing. "What if he wakes up while I'm gone? What would he think if he woke up here, all alone? The last thing he'd remember is watching that truck barreling towards us. He'd be terrified, panicked. I have to be here to explain everything to him, to apologize." He's vaguely aware of Minhyuk making a soft noise of sympathy, but he doesn’t pay it any mind. All their voices turn into mere static as he stares at his love.

Hyunwoo, however, sighs defeatedly. He looks to Minhyuk for help, who’s usually a pretty good voice of reason for the shorter, but it seems as if he’s not having much luck, either.

“Hoseok wouldn’t want you to punish yourself, Kihyunnie,” Minhyuk tells him, though it’s obvious Kihyun isn’t listening. “It was an accident. He knows you wouldn’t do anything to purposefully hurt him. You need to stop punishing yourself with this waiting game.”

“Meaning what?” Kihyun suddenly snaps, his head jerking in Minhyuk’s direction. “Meaning I should just give up? That I should give up on him, that I shouldn’t wait for him anymore? What? Should I just pull the plug?” His tone is pissed, filled with more anger than any of the others have heard since Hoseok was hospitalized. It shocks them all, and they can’t help but shift uncomfortably on their feet.

“What if Changkyun were the one lying here, not Hoseok?” Kihyun continues, seemingly on a roll. “What if you were in my shoes? Would _you_ just give up after nearly seven months of waiting? Would _you_ want _me_ telling you to give up?”

Minhyuk instantly begins to fume, his hand holding Changkyun’s gripping it tightly in defiance as he steps forward, ready to rip Kihyun a new one. As he parts his lips to speak, though, a different voice comes.

“Uhhhn…”

Minhyuk raises a brow, glancing at the others to see who had made the noise. Jooheon and Hyungwon merely look back at him with equally dumfounded expressions, and Kihyun’s silently looking to Hyunwoo for an explanation.

There’s a sharp intake of breath, sounding as if it’s coming from behind Kihyun.

Kihyun glances back at the door, his heart stilling for some reason. He raises a quizzical brow much like Minhyuk had, pursing his lips.

Then, the hand in his grips back. It’s a weak hold, meek and small, but it’s unmistakable.

The man’s eyes widen as he looks down at his husband. He holds his breath, not even daring to blink as the comatose patient stirs meekly underneath his covers.

Kihyun bolts up, tears brimming already as he waits with bated breath.

 

It came in waves at first, yes. The small tugging sensation keeping him grounded was only every so often, but it finally grew into a full-on, ever-present pull.

He doesn’t know how he’s managed it, but he’s finally gathered the strength to pull himself back. With his fingers tingling with the pain of a thousand needles pricking them, he curls his hand around the tether as tightly as he can. He tries to use his voice, does his best to utter out a single word, but he can barely manage a grunt.

His heart quickens its pace, feeling as if it’ll break through his chest with how hard and fast it pounds.

Light suddenly floods his vision, scorching white light that’s impossible to process. He blinks repeatedly, trying to adjust. A face swims into his sight, a face crying and smiling and looking at him like he’s the frikkin’ messiah.

“Hoseok…?” the face asks, and he feels himself frown before he can even think to.

“Who?” he asks, his voice barely audible over the roaring in his ears. The face’s smile falters, and a chuckle is forced passed its lips.

“Very funny, aga,” the voice says, though it clearly isn’t amused. “Nice to know after making me wait and worry this long you’ve still got a sense of humor.” His frown grows, and his brows stitch together as he tries to think. His head hurts, aches with a dull thud that makes it too hard to think.

“Sorry,” he mutters faintly, “but, who are you?” He blinks once, then twice, and then suddenly the first face is replace by someone different. A pointed light is shined into each of his eyes, and the second face is firing questions at him about what his name is, how many fingers he’s holding up, what year it is…

Only, there’s one problem. He can count the fingers fine, but who he is? What year it is?

He has no idea at all.


	5. Chapter 5

Kihyun sits with his knees pulled up to his chest, staring hard at the linoleum floor. He’d been ushered out by Hyunwoo and his coworkers, the many doctors on Hoseok’s case flanking around the patient. Kihyun, in any other situation, would have stuck around, wouldn’t have broken eye contact with his husband until the doctors had left. However, when the swarm had beset the room, Kihyun had been in no condition to resist.

_ It’s a mistake _ , he tells himself, wringing his fingers together to and fro.  _ It’s got to be a mistake. I didn’t wait for so long for Hoseok to wake up just for him not to remember me, remember us. We didn’t go through all of this for nothing… It’s… It’s shock. It’s got to be shock. He’s still in shock from what happened, and once he gets his bearings he’ll remember everything, and things will be back to how they should be. _

Hyunwoo steps into the hall, shutting the door to Hoseok’s room behind him. Kihyun stands without hesitation, hoping beyond reason that the half-cocked explanation he’d just formed to be the exact reasoning behind all this. After all, would the universe really be this cruel?

“How is he?” Kihyun asks, slightly breathless as he hugs himself round the middle. His eyes shine with this unadulterated hope that’s rare to see in those older than five years-old. It brings Hyunwoo this level of deep-seeded guilt that only a childhood friend can feel. Hyunwoo sighs heavily, dropping his eyes to the floor.

“There’s… no remaining physical damage, and—”

“We knew that already,” Kihyun snaps, tilting his head to try and meet Hyunwoo’s gaze. “How’s his memories? Have they come back? It was just shock, right? He’s calmed down now, and he can remember himself and me and us and everything we were going to do. Right?” His tone is desperate, demanding, and one Hyunwoo has heard many times in the past. However, it coming from someone he knows so well makes it so entirely different.

The words stick in Hyunwoo’s throat, absolutely refusing to come out. Kihyun reaches out to grasp onto his upper arm, his short digits gripping onto her bicep tightly. Hyunwoo can only shakes his head, doing his best to push aside his personal feelings and be a professional.

“It is unclear if his memories will return in time, but we can’t lost hope,” he tells the man, finally meeting his gaze. Kihyun purses his lips, slackening his grip slowly before allowing his hand to drop. He returns to hugging himself, taking a step away from Hyunwoo and turning to face the wall. He closes the space between himself and the cool beige paint, and he presses his forehead against it as he shuts his eyes. 

What little he’d been hoping to happen since he awoke from the accident finally crumbles. His relief at Hoseok finally being awake falls, and his whole body feels empty. Tears pick at the corners of his eyes, causing him to hold onto himself tighter. He only wishes it were Hoseok’s arms around him now, and not his own… 

 

On the other side of the wall, Hoseok is staring off to the side, his eyes glued to said wall. Doctors are still standing around him… He figures he must have been in a pretty bad state to receive such treatment, and he finds himself wracking his brain to try and figure out what exactly had brought him here. A voice in the back of his mind tells him it’s hopeless, that he has no chance at remembering that much if he can’t even remember his own name.

He feels a strange sense of familiarity as he stares at the wall, as if something or someone important was on the other side, just out of reach.

 

“It’s like some tragic soap opera or some shit,” Minhyuk spits out, pacing along the hall. Changkyun watches his boyfriend as he goes back and forth, back and forth, seeming hell-bent on creating a rut on the sticky tile. He shakes his head in unspoken fury, his eyes ablaze in rage. “I can’t even believe the nerve! Who does he think he is, waking up and not remembering his husband?” 

“Babe,” Changkyun says, thinking it all the worst kind of ironic, “it isn’t like Hoseok chose to wake up without a single memory. He didn’t have any control over it.”

“It’s bullshit!” Minhyuk snaps again, shoving his fingers through his fried blonde hair. “If Hoseok ever gets his memories back, I’m gonna beat the ever-loving shit out of him!” Changkyun would laugh at the notion of his thin, wily boyfriend trying to get into a fight with the bodybuilder of an amnesia patient in the room they’re just outside of, but he doesn’t think any laughter would go over well with Minhyuk at the moment. 

Instead, he reaches out, gently grabbing onto his wrist as he passes by him for the umpteenth time. Minhyuk’s angered gaze flicks over to him, and the fire in his eyes dims for the slightest of moments. He pets at the inside of his wrist as he steps closer, releasing a heavy sigh. He glances over to the closed door, shaking his head.

Just behind that door, Kihyun and Hoseok are speaking with the doctors, and, from what Minhyuk has gathered, this is the day they decide on just what to do with the amnesiac. 

 

“So, could anything trigger any sort of memory return?” Kihyun asks, keeping a hold on his own hands. He’s standing beside Hoseok’s bed, making a conscious effort to not take hold of the man who used to be his husband. Or, according to the doctors, the man in which his husband is now buried… 

“Yes, though it’s unclear as to how long it will take,” the head doctor on Hoseok’s case answers. “We recommend him returning to his home. Perhaps some memories will resurface just by going through his everyday routine.”

Kihyun nods, glancing for a moment to Hoseok. This new Hoseok, this shell of his husband, seems to be listening to all that’s being said well enough, though there’s an echo of terror in his eyes that flickers for the briefest and most random of moments. Kihyun would feel sympathy for this new man, for to be going through something like this has to be petrifying… However, he has no room in his heart right now for sympathy.

“We’ve deduced that he remembers up until some point in his late adolescence,” the man goes on to say. “Likely around—”

“Nineteen,” Kihyun interrupts knowingly, chewing on the inside of his cheek. Hoseok looks over at him in surprise, his eyebrows shot up half the length of his forehead. Kihyun shifts in his seat, not liking that he has to explain how he knows this man who doesn’t even know him anymore so well. It’s like rubbing salt into the wound. “It’s around the time we met… I was just graduating, and you were already out of your parents’ house, working on becoming a song producer.” He doesn’t look at Hoseok as he speaks, scared he’ll break down again if he looks at his husband.

There’s a tangible pause in the room after his explanation, as if the room itself is holding its breath. Surprisingly, it’s Hoseok who speaks next.

“How… How  _ did _ we meet…?”

A ball of hurt clogs up Kihyun’s throat, and he has to take another moment to collect himself. After all, he can’t break down every time Hoseok speaks to him. He has to be strong right now for his love, even if that love doesn’t even exist anymore.

“I was working at a diner at the time, saving up money for tuition,” Kihyun begins, having to pause again to clear his throat. His eyes begin to burn, but he absolutely forbids himself to cry. “You came in at two in the morning during a storm, looking all crazed and starved and drenched. I gave you free coffee and my employee meal of the night, because you had said you didn’t have any money for food or anything. I gave you my number before you left and told you to call me if you ever needed a ride anywhere… You called me a week later to return the favor and buy me coffee, and that was that.”

“Yes, well… if you’ll come with us, Mr. Yoo, we can get started on the release papers.” Kihyun nods, moving to go with the lab coat team and leave Hoseok to think a bit. Anything’s better than sitting in the room with a live corpse.

 

Hoseok watches as he goes, brows knitting together thoughtfully… He just wishes there was something inside him that recognized Kihyun, some spark of feeling that explained why in god’s name they were married, something that excused that look of thinly-veiled betrayal within his eyes whenever he looks at Hoseok. 

Hoseok sighs, slumping in the bed. At least he was able to remember who he was after a few minutes… Maybe that means he actually will remember one day, no matter how long it takes.


	6. Chapter 6

Three days later, after assuring Hoseok is in perfect health—despite having no recollection of the passed nine years of his life—and he’s sent home. Hyungwon drives Hoseok and Kihyun to their apartment across town, passing all the nice, suburbian, gated neighborhoods in favor of the rundown, seemingly hazardous apartment complexes. Potholes litter the streets, and some of the buildings they pass seem to be literally crumbling.

Hoseok wrinkles his nose, wishing for a moment he could’ve at least woken up to a more affluent lifestyle. He wonders what it is he does for a living to be residing on this side of the tracks. Kihyun had said he was a music producer, but what did that mean? Did he compose? Write lyrics? A bit of both? He has no idea.

 

The car pulls to a stop, and Hyungwon glances back at the couple promptingly. Hoseok gives a small, awkward smile. Something tells him he owes Hyungwon a shit ton more than any of the others, which only serves to further his own guilt. If—no,  _ when _ he gets his memories back, he’s going to figure out just how much he owes him. He just hopes he can repay him in whatever way possible.

Kihyun steps out of the car, and Hoseok has to bite back a sigh at himself as follows his lead. Before them is a towering red-brick building, the sun shining behind it… He starts to question as he stares up at it just how long he can live in this place of being forced to continually disappoint someone like his… husband. That feels so strange to say… It’s strange that he can have gone through with something so permanent as a marriage.

He figures he really must have changed a lot in all the time he lost.

Hyungwon follows them with a few bags up to the third floor. Kihyun explains as they pass the broken-down elevator that they couldn’t get anything higher because of Hoseok’s fear of heights, and honestly that’s the first piece of information that’s made sense to Hoseok. Ever since he was small, he couldn’t do so much as go on the Viking ride at the carnival without hyperventilating. 

 

The trio climbs the three flights of stairs to the proper floor, and then Kihyun leads them towards the sixth door on the left. He pushes a tarnished key into the bottom and top locks before pushing it open, revealing a cramped-looking abode with every nook and cranny seemingly pristine. Hoseok steps in, looking quickly to the left and right. A moth-eaten loveseat sits in front of a box tv with rabbit ears sticking out from the top, a shoe rack is beside the door, and to the right the kitchen has only one stained counter, an off-yellow fridge, and a gas stove with rusted coils. 

“‘It looks rundown,” Kihyun says from beside Hoseok, bringing the man’s eyes to him despite how he keeps his back to Hoseok, “and that’s because it is. But, it’s what we can afford, and we can make it our own.’” He then turns and looks into his husband’s eyes, his arms crossed tight over his chest as if he’s holding himself together. “That’s what you said to me when you first brought me here three years ago to look at this place. The rent at our old place was raised out of what we could afford, and this was the best we could find on the short notice we had…” 

Hoseok nods as if that made sense, taking a step further into the apartment and passed Kihyun. Really it’s just a reason to look away from that hesitantly hopeful look Kihyun is bound to be giving him, though he acts as if it’s only to get a better look at the home..

“Before the accident, we were talking about moving closer to your mom,” Kihyun continues, and Hoseok can still feel his eyes on him. “We were also arguing about whether or not to get a cat, how it would react around… other plans. Do you remember any of that?” Hoseok feels a bite of guilt snap at his heart as he shakes his head, closing his eyes to resist watching as that hope dies down in Kihyun’s eyes… He feels Kihyun look away from him, likely to stare forlornly at that mangled piece of couch, and that’s the end of the conversation.

He has no idea just how he’s going to manage to remember nine years of a life, but god knows he’ll try. He’s been able to deduce just in his short time of being awake how many people care for him, how many people have waited for his return. This shadow of who he had been before this accident he doesn’t remember must be such a disappointment to all these people… and he feels he owes it to them to remember everything.

The silver wedding band on his finger starts to burn under the grossly dark lighting of the room as he ventures further. He hears Hyungwon and Kihyun start to talk, but he doesn’t stick around to listen. He only goes towards the short hallway, moving to try and ignore the burn on his skin. He peeks into a room to the right, seemingly an office-like area with a large glass desk practically bursting with sound equipment. 

Hoseok feels a ball of… something new, something unnameable, claw its way up his throat. He glances down to the wedding band, then back to the single mic hovering near the rolling chair. He goes to it, brushes his fingers against the hardware… Something inside tells him he knows this room, has spent a lot of time here. This must be where he… produced music, he supposes? He wonders if he still can, if it’s muscle memory or whatever… 

He supposes he  _ has _ always liked music, so it makes sense he went for a career like this. Though, he’s surprised his mother didn’t talk him out of it for practicality’s sake. He steps back, taking a deep breath as Hyungwon’s and Kihyun’s voices float towards him through the otherwise silent air.

 

Yes, he owes everyone so much, and he knows that. Just since he’s woken up, he’s found a group of friends that are willing to do anything for him. Though he may not remember meeting any of them, they all have already said how willing they are to help him recover his memories. Apparently, he’s been a pretty lucky man to have built such a group around himself throughout the passed decade.

But he knows beyond a doubt he owes Kihyun the most out of them all. The sprinkle of hope that sparkles in his eyes every time he looks at Hoseok, only for it to be squashed down when Hoseok inevitably fails recalling whatever sentimental crumb Kihyun has thrown at him. He may not know much from the time he’s lost, but he’s certain he still isn’t one to be okay with disappointing people.

Kihyun’s shoulders always seem so taut, scrunched up to his ears as if just waiting for the final shoe to drop. Hoseok gets the sense that this isn’t the norm, or perhaps hasn’t always been, and he realizes that a lot could have changed in Kihyun while he’s been unconscious. Hoseok doesn’t know this man well, but he’s already been able to deduce just how dedicated he is to his case, and for that Hoseok is dedicated to remembering.

For Kihyun, he’ll remember everything.

**Author's Note:**

> As always, kudos/comments are highly appreciated~ Find me on Twitter @ReeLeeV1 and Tumblr @reeleev.tumblr.com


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